It wasn’t really David Spade

Some context clues in case you’re not from Wilmington: The Triangle is a local dive bar, and Bob Townsend is a local newscaster.  (Also, it should be noted that one of the Yelp reviews for the Triangle has what is probably the most apt description of any dive bar, anywhere: “If you don’t like it, [...]

Please enjoy having this visual image stuck in your head

Andy:  Why is there so much pollen?

Me: Um, I dunno…it’s just that time of year.

Andy: But why is there so much of it?

Me: You mean like, Why is there pollen?

Andy: Yeah.

Me: That’s how trees have sex.  You know, ’cause it’s not like a tree can just walk down to the bar and find some lady [...]

How to Not Fail at St. Patrick’s Day

First of all, you should buy and cook a corned beef. Just do it, and follow the package directions, because you know it’s delicious. You should not, under any circumstances, try to roast it. I made this mistake so you don’t have to, unless of course you like eating shriveled slabs of [...]

Shit My Guy Says: The Colonoscopy Edition

Nurse: How are you doing?  Are you feeling nervous?

Andy: Yeah, a little.

Nurse: Is this your first time?

Andy: No, I’ve felt nervous before.

2015 Food Trends Based on What’s in my Pantry Right Now and What I Just Ordered from the Seed Catalogue

First of all, let me just say, 2015?!?  I am still getting used to the idea that it is 2000-anything, and if I think about it too much I get a little weirded out and start thinking about HAL and singing Prince songs (or, ‘the symbol formerly known as Prince’ songs).

Second of all, let me [...]

Shit My Guy Says: The Old Rocker Edition

Andy: Oh my god, they’re so old, Fleetwood Mac.  They’re older than your mom.

Me: I’m putting that on the blog.

Andy: No, don’t, it might not even be true.  We should find out how old they are first. [A few Wikipedia searches later:] Well they are older than your mom.  But you still shouldn’t say it, [...]

Feeling Like a Drowned Rat

I know it may not have been 40 days of rain yet, but I’m really wishing I had started building my ark a lot sooner.

Shit My Guy Says: In Which he Explains the Differences Between the Big Box Stores

My Guy: The next time you go to Sam’s could you get me some Goop [hand cleaner/degreaser]?

Me: Yeah. They don’t have it at Costco?

My Guy: No.

Me: I wonder why not?

My Guy: Because people who shop at Costco don’t work on their own cars. They pay people to do it for them.

We May as Well Call it Summer

The last time my computer broke, two-thirds of the screen went black, permanently.  The other third of the screen still functioned fine, so I would drag and scroll things up to the 1/3 screen as best I could.  After several days of this I found out that the glitch, as it turned out, [...]

I Realize Now It’s Not a Pie

The weekend before last I was a bridesmaid in my friend Ashley’s wedding.  Things went as they normally do (hair, makeup, dress, bouquets) until, as we were walking across the lawn to go into the church, the sole of my shoe fell off.

But the problem was it did not fall completely off; the heel portion [...]