Saw a dead rat in the Bojangle’s parking lot.

I mean, I still went inside and ate, what do I look like, a health inspector?

Oh, North Carolina

Turns out that in the South, summer’s arrival is not determined by a date on the calendar, but rather by the season’s first sighting of a guy driving his pickup truck with no shirt on.

It wasn’t really David Spade

Some context clues in case you’re not from Wilmington: The Triangle is a local dive bar, and Bob Townsend is a local newscaster.  (Also, it should be noted that one of the Yelp reviews for the Triangle has what is probably the most apt description of any dive bar, anywhere: “If you don’t like it, [...]

Please enjoy having this visual image stuck in your head

Andy:  Why is there so much pollen?

Me: Um, I dunno…it’s just that time of year.

Andy: But why is there so much of it?

Me: You mean like, Why is there pollen?

Andy: Yeah.

Me: That’s how trees have sex.  You know, ’cause it’s not like a tree can just walk down to the bar and find some lady [...]

How to Not Fail at St. Patrick’s Day

First of all, you should buy and cook a corned beef. Just do it, and follow the package directions, because you know it’s delicious. You should not, under any circumstances, try to roast it. I made this mistake so you don’t have to, unless of course you like eating shriveled slabs of [...]

Shit My Guy Says: The Colonoscopy Edition

Nurse: How are you doing?  Are you feeling nervous?

Andy: Yeah, a little.

Nurse: Is this your first time?

Andy: No, I’ve felt nervous before.

2015 Food Trends Based on What’s in my Pantry Right Now and What I Just Ordered from the Seed Catalogue

First of all, let me just say, 2015?!?  I am still getting used to the idea that it is 2000-anything, and if I think about it too much I get a little weirded out and start thinking about HAL and singing Prince songs (or, ‘the symbol formerly known as Prince’ songs).

Second of all, let me [...]

Shit My Guy Says: The Old Rocker Edition

Andy: Oh my god, they’re so old, Fleetwood Mac.  They’re older than your mom.

Me: I’m putting that on the blog.

Andy: No, don’t, it might not even be true.  We should find out how old they are first. [A few Wikipedia searches later:] Well they are older than your mom.  But you still shouldn’t say it, [...]

Feeling Like a Drowned Rat

I know it may not have been 40 days of rain yet, but I’m really wishing I had started building my ark a lot sooner.

Shit My Guy Says: In Which he Explains the Differences Between the Big Box Stores

My Guy: The next time you go to Sam’s could you get me some Goop [hand cleaner/degreaser]?

Me: Yeah. They don’t have it at Costco?

My Guy: No.

Me: I wonder why not?

My Guy: Because people who shop at Costco don’t work on their own cars. They pay people to do it for them.