A Horse in the House, Of Course, Of Course

Sure, it features an amazing ocean view and charming woodwork, but what you’re really going to want to ask the real estate agent is, “Does the horse come with the house?”

Surprise!

On second thought, actually, I would like to amend my question:

“Can you get the horse out of the house?  It’s making the dogs nervous.”

And now you know what kind of dog I want to get next

Y’all are not going to believe what we have in our neighborhood.  No, really, I don’t think you would, so I took pictures of it.

A piglet!  A piglet on a leash!  And get this–it even wags its tail.

We hadn’t seen it in a long time and I started to worry that–well, you know–it [...]

Shit My Guy Says: Landfill Edition

My Guy: Did I ever tell you about the time I found a person’s leg at the landfill?

Me: Oh my god, you found what?  A leg?  A human leg, like a murder victim?

My Guy: No, it was a prosthetic leg.  It still had the shoe and sock on it and everything.  I was like, ‘Who [...]

Helpful Hint

Hey, are you moving soon?

Well listen, I have some great news for you.

I found this moving company.

And while I don’t know this for a fact, I’m quite sure they have very competitive rates.

It’s possible that they may even perform as well as the professionals.

It’s also possible that they may have insurance, but who knows?

All I [...]

We Need To Talk

Me: Petname, I need to talk with you about something.

MyGuy: Okay, Petname, what is it?

Me: Well, I found something today.

MyGuy:  What?

Me:  I wasn’t trying to snoop…

MyGuy:  What is it?

Me:  And I mean, it’s your house.  It’s probably none of my business.

MyGuy: What, Petname?  What?

Me:  I found this in the freezer today.

MyGuy: Oh, Moby!  My goldfish!

Me:  [...]

Horticulture Fail

This past Mother’s Day, Lowe’s had rose bushes on sale for $5 a pop, so I snagged a couple for my mom.  They weren’t in bloom at the time so you had to go by the tag and hope that they had been labeled correctly.

And then, I saw this:

The golden showers rose.

Also known as the [...]

What is it?

My mom once sent me this photo, accompanied only by the subject line, ‘What is it?’

Correct answers include: A towel.  A deranged towel baby.  The Hampton Inn housekeeper’s cry for help.

So in that same spirit, I ask you, friends: What is it?

Need a hint?  Here,

Does Yogurt Go Bad?

Well, I’m not entirely sure how to begin this post. So I’m just going to go ahead and say it.

On the train the morning we arrived in Austin, I ate an expired yogurt that had been unrefrigerated. For two weeks.

Let me explain.

Two weeks earlier during the horrible, never-ending train ride to Portland we [...]

The Weird Roommate Situation

I know I’ve been promising to tell you about the weird roommate situation in Chicago.  It was going to get just a brief mention, but it was weird on so many levels that I realized it needed a very long post of its own.

Now, I have had weird roommates before.  There was the girl who [...]

Cincinnati: Creation Museum Fail

Cincinnati doesn't look so sketchy when seen from a car.

The train from D.C. arrived in Cincinnati at 2 a.m. Friday night.  Yes, I know that technically 2 a.m. is Saturday morning, but I subscribe to the belief that night does not actually end until 4 or 5 a.m., or until you go to sleep, [...]