In the back of my refrigerator there is a glass jar. Originally this jar held a fancy mustard but now it’s filled with bacon fat, layered like strata in a canyon, the bottom of each layer dark with motes of burnt meat. It is, in its own way, a geologic history of our kitchen—at the [...]
The neighbor lost his dog the other day.
And then we noticed a new fellow hanging out in the marsh, who sometimes makes loud noises that sound like an outboard motor trying to start:
“Hey, so do you think I should call the neighbor and tell him I found his dog?” I asked [...]
My Guy: I bet you don’t even know who Alice Cooper is.
Me: Sure I do. He’s in a band, one of the scary ones. You know, with the creepy makeup and the tongues and the bad hair.
My Guy: Mm-hmm.
Me: He’s in, like, Kiss or Metallica or something. One of the scary ones. Alice in Chains?
Whatever your opinion may be about the Brian Berger melodrama being played out in the news, you can’t deny that he has singlehandedly done more than any other county commissioner to increase ratings on the local cable access channel.
Because, you know, usually those county commissioner meetings are so boring without someone being accused of drooling [...]
The other night I was having this dream about food. We were at a restaurant, or maybe I was cooking at home. There was a meatloaf terrine-thing—basically a rectangular block of meat with a layer of potatoes all around it, which was then rolled in panko or maybe cornflake crumbs, and then there was a [...]
Here are some of the thank-you notes that I wanted to write, but didn’t:
“Thank you for the sheets. We will be having a lot of sex on them.”
“Thank you for this thing. Andy says it looks like an inflamed labia and now I can’t look at it anymore without thinking of an STD.”
“Thank you for [...]
Several years ago, Andy’s workday looked like this: Teach from 8 to 3:30. Bring a turkey sandwich (2 slices turkey, mustard, whole-wheat bread) and an apple for lunch. Get home by 4. Walk the dog. Prep for next class. Eat something, but not too much that it will make you [...]
Me: [Talking to the dog as she curls up adorably beside me on the couch, in that voice some dog owners use and that I swore I wouldn't ever but it turns out I just can't help myself.] Aww, are you a little lamb? Look, she’s such a little lamb.
My Guy: She’s the Lamb of [...]
I bet you were worried that this was going to turn into a wedding-planning blog, weren’t you?
Well lucky for us all, a) I am not that kind of person and b) even if I was it’s too late because I’m already married!
I learned a lot during these past months of wedding-planning (or as my mom [...]