They’re just pants. It shouldn’t be this difficult.

I might look great in my lycra running tights but, I assure you, any amount of sex appeal is negated tenfold by how I look trying to remove my lycra running tights.

A Simple Sweet Potato Lunch

Last fall I did something that could either be called brilliant or insane (I’m leaning towards brilliant): I bought a 45+ pound box of sweet potatoes.  For $12.  At a hardware store.

It was for a good cause, okay? (I think it was a church, or something?)

And they were dug from a farm just a few [...]

Shit My Guy’s Mom Says

MGM: [Introducing herself to the realtor] You know, I used to be a realtor.  I worked with Gail Tice.  Did you know her?  She was murdered.

Me: Oh gosh, Ann, I wouldn’t open with that.

Where the Wild Greens Are

It is about this time of year that I notice them—the wild greens.  I see them in highway medians, in fallow fields and front lawns, distinguishable only from other weeds only by the clustered spikes of yellow flowers swaying gently.

Where I used to work, at a non-profit, many of the families we worked with were [...]

Melted White Bean Soup with Cabbage and Lemon, Or: I’m Pretty Certain You’re Going to Buy Cabbage this Week and Then Not Know What to Do With All of It

There are a few things I learned about people and about grocery shopping during my time as a cashier, chief among them being OH MY GOD LADY, Why is your shopping cart full of 80 pounds of ground beef and 1 gallon of bleach?!

I also learned that the only thing more embarrassing than buying a [...]

Despite Having a College Degree it is Surprising How Little I Know

[while watching Saturday Night Live the other night]

Me: Is he from Peter Paul & Mary?

My Guy: Who?

Me: Paul Simon.

My Guy: Oh my god, no.  Paul SIMON.  Simon & Garfunkel?  Bridge Over Troubled Water? The Sound of Silence? The Graduate? One of the best musicians of all time?

Me: Oh.

My Guy: Oh god, that’s it, we’re getting [...]

Let Me Tell You About that Time I Accidentally Snuck into the Vatican

When I heard the news story about the man sneaking into the Vatican dressed as a cardinal, my first thought was, “That’s awesome.”

And my second thought was, “So what?  It’s not that difficult to sneak into the Vatican.  I did it by accident that one time.”

Those of you who know me are probably thinking, “Sure [...]

Let’s Go Out to the Movies

The other night we were in the kitchen making gravy.  This is not a euphemism; we were actually making gravy.

My Guy: You wanna go see that cornstarch movie?

Me: Okay.  What movie about cornstarch?

My Guy: The one that got all those awards.  You know, Argo.