According to the vet (or more precisely, an automatically generated e-mail based on the vet’s best guess) Snooki turned two this month. At some point. No one knows for sure because of her Tough Life on the Streets before she came to live with us. And also the fact that she’s a dog.
Snooki’s Life So Far, By the Numbers
0: Number of opposable thumbs she has
4: Number of opposable thumbs she wishes she had
1: Years she has been named Snooki, the dog Formerly Known as Layla
18: Number of paper towels she has shredded in an attempt to eat all possible crumbs and smells out of them
2: Number of commands she knows (‘sit’ and ‘off’)
14: Age in dog years. Good thing we had her spayed, or she’d be sneaking out of the house to go meet boys.
29: Number of times she has accidentally peed on the floor
23: Number of times she has accidentally peed on the floor that have been my fault (because she is so excited when I come home that I cannot resist playing the ‘Welcome-Home-Time’ game with her in which I try to get her to waggle as much as possible. The game always ends when she pees on the floor.)
400: Number of times we have accidentally made eye contact with her after being told by the other person, “Don’t make eye contact, but she is being so cute right now.”
100: Percentage of the time that, after we accidentally make eye contact with her she stops whatever she’s doing, stands up and waggles uncontrollably while running across the room where she then jumps on and/or tries to lick you.
5: Number of ways she is like the Other Snooki (1. Likes to drink; 2. Likes to hump; 3. Likes to lie on the couch; 4. Has no Shame; 5. Manages to survive in spite of not having a real job.)
67: Percentage of the time we are embarrassed to respond when someone asks what her name is.
100: Percentage of the time that people smile after we tell them what her name is.