Drunken Mussels Linguine

I was going to title this dish ‘Seafood Seduction Pasta,’ because partly it was my intent to seduce my boyfriend with this dish, but partly I only made it because I like cooking with mussels and they were on sale.

I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking, ‘You live on the coast of North Carolina.  You can see the ocean from your bedroom. Why the hell are you buying seafood from Maine in a grocery store, instead of from your local seafood-monger down the street?’

Well, because my local seafood-monger doesn’t sell anything for $2 a pound.  And he also never sells mussels.

Although maybe, what you are really thinking now is, ‘What kind of woman has to seduce her boyfriend?’

Mussels in the pot! Drop it like it's hot!

The kind of woman who, right before dinner, asks her man (who hasn’t eaten all day), “Don’t you want to sex me now?”

The kind of woman who says during dinner, “Don’t the mussels look like vaginas to you?  Look, there’s the labia.  Eat the labia!  Eat the vagina-musssels!”

I’m a good seductress, don’t you think?

Anyhoo, there was more ‘drunken’ than ‘seduction’ going on that night, and the sauce is also made with a whopping half bottle of white wine.  Oh, and eight cloves of garlic.  Seduce that.

It turned out really tasty, if I do say so myself.  And it made enough to have a couple nights of leftovers, too.

As for the seduction?  Well, I’m not one to kiss and tell.  But let’s just say that he was bragging to his friends about it later.

The pasta, that is.  Get your mind out of the gutter.

Shiny, happy mussels in a bowl.

Drunken Mussels Linguine Recipe
1 ½ to 2 cups dry white wine
1 onion, diced
2 Tablespoons olive oil or butter
8 cloves garlic, finely minced or crushed
1 red bell pepper, diced
2 pounds blue mussels, scrubbed and beards removed (if only you could get your man to do the same)
1 pound linguine or other pasta
a few handfuls fresh spinach (I dunno how much; anywhere from 4 to 8 oz. would do)
red pepper flakes
freshly ground black pepper
Parmesan cheese

In a large pot, cook pasta according to package directions.

Meanwhile, heat olive oil or butter in large pot over medium heat.  Add onion and bell pepper and sauté until softened.  Add mussels, white wine, and garlic.  Cook uncovered until mussels begin to open.  Toss in your spinach and stir well.  When spinach is wilted, remove pot from heat.  Stir in pasta and black and red pepper to taste.  Add 1-2 more Tablespoons olive oil or butter if needed to keep pasta from sticking.  Serve with Parmesan cheese sprinkled on top.

Comments are closed.