Hot Dog Pizza Revisited

Let’s say that, due to a miscommunication, you accidentally intrude on Guys’ Night at Your Guy’s house.

And now, let’s say that they’ve been drinking for a couple hours and it’s getting late and they are hungry.

But not hungry for just anything.  No.

They do not want any quinoa cakes or salad or rice and beans.

They want pizza.

But not just any pizza.

A hot dog pizza.

But alas, you have no hot dogs, nor cheese, nor pizza dough.

So you call the place that originally started the hot dog pizza joke, the Wilmington House of Pizza (or, as one reviewer put it, “Wilmington’s House of Every-God-Damned-Thing”, due to the extensive menu which also includes things like fried shrimp, cheeseburgers, and Greek food.  And apparently also hot dogs.)

“Yes,” you say, “I’d like to place a take-out order.  Can I get one large Greek pizza and…do you still have hot dog pizza?”

You will try not to be embarrassed to be ordering such a thing, and you will also be doing your best to ignore drunken-guy laughter in the other room.

“Yes, we have hot dog pizza.”

The downside to getting hot dog pizza takeout is that it makes your car smell like hot dog pizza.

“Okay,” you say.  “I’ll have a large hot dog pizza.”

“Do you want ketchup, or regular sauce?”


“It comes with ketchup instead of sauce, but some people don’t like the ketchup.”

“Okay, I guess I’ll have ketchup.”

“And do you want to add fried onions and chili to it?”

In case you’re wondering, friends, the correct answer to this question is Yes.  Yes, you would like fried onions and chili on your hot dog pizza.

Personally I liked the Greek pizza better.

But My Guy’s friends—they loved the hot dog pizza.

“This is a good product,” said Friend B.  “He needs to know.  I’m going to call him up and tell him what a good product this is.  He needs to—damn, this is a good pizza.”

You know what else is a good product?  Beer.

Friend B. so loved the hot dog pizza that a week later he invited us over to his house for homemade hot dog pizza.

Perhaps the only thing that can make having hot dog pizza for dinner even more fun is having a 2 year-old chanting “Ot dog pisa!” while you drink and make dinner.

Instead of our original version, he used ketchup as the sauce, a few dollops of mustard, half a can of Hormel chili, sautéed onions, some kind of cheese blend and, of course, hot dogs.

It was pretty damn delicious.

But not as delicious as the next drunken pizza concoction we made: Macaroni and cheese pizza.

How to make it:  Make a box of mac-n-cheese (the powdered cheese kind, not the velveeta).  Spread a tiny bit of pizza sauce onto pizza dough.  Spread the mac-n-cheese on top of this.  Sprinkle it with cheese, then bake.

Yes, really.

Also, for some reason I gained five pounds last month.  I’m sure it has nothing to do with hot dog pizza.

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